Letting your team find their own path

I recently spent a week on the road.  As luck would have it, several key meetings were scheduled in the office for the same week.  I selected different members of my team to represent me at each.  They did a fantastic job representing themselves and our team.  They helped good decisions be made for our company and for our customers.

I'm proud of them, and in full disclosure, I also take pride in my role helping them be successful. But that is not the point of this post.  What I'd like to share are the lessons from a conversation prior to one of the meetings. For ease of reading, let me refer to the person with whom I talked as Chuck.
 
In preparation, Chuck and I talked about the intent of the meeting, who should attend from our team, how we thought the session would go, and our goals for the outcomes.  As we talked, I caught myself doing more dictating than coaching.  I was (not so) subtly guiding Chuck down a path of how I would have approached the meeting based on my role, my understanding of the background and attendees, and my knowledge of the situation.

Chuck stopped the conversations and said, "I need to do this my way.  I can't be you."  And Chuck was absolutely right.  We took a step back and looked at things from his perspective.  From there, Chuck led the approach with me in the better role of coach.  I challenged his assumptions when necessary and added context when needed.  In the end, we agreed that he would do much better as a confident Chuck than a pretend Neal.

Chuck went to the meeting and knocked it out of the park.  When asked how Chuck did, a peer executive texted me, "Very good.  [He] was strong."  I could end the story here, but there are two lessons I'd like to share.

First, without trust, Chuck wouldn't have advocated for himself.  I've written elsewhere about the need to build this culture.  This is a terrific example of why this matters.  If Chuck hadn't believed he could challenge anyone on the team - including me - he would have performed less effectively at the meeting.  Given the stakes, the results would have harmed the team and the business.

Second, it reminded me to let my leaders find their own way.  I try hard to not over manage, and yet it is easy to do so.  Only through constant self-awareness can I pull back and give my team the space to find their own solutions and style.  Each leader on my team has a unique way of approaching problems.  For them to grow, they need my guidance and trust.  And they need the confidence that comes from knowing that if they choose a path different than one I might have chosen, I will support them.

In the end, what matters is that we achieve good results.  To get good results, fall back to the basics of trust among the team and freedom to explore different paths to success.

Giving Feedback

One management skill I have found essential is giving feedback. Here are a few tips I have learned about giving feedback.

Don't be afraid
OK, this may seem obvious. Lets face it - giving feedback is awkward and hard. I think this stems from an innate desire to be liked. If you have to give corrective feedback, you run the risk of making the other person mad at you. Or hurt.

There aren't many things I can tell you about this. Well, actually there are *tons* of things I can tell you about, but that's not the point of this post... I will say this - don't own your employee's response. If you follow these guidelines you've done your part. If they are angry, hurt, or anything else - that is their feeling to own. Wow - I feel like I should be asking you for a therapy co-pay...

Give feedback as close to the event as possible
If someone is out of line at a meeting, call them out in front of their peers (if it is warranted) or pull them aside privately after the meeting. This is a delicate balance. The general rule is criticize in private. However, if someone crosses a line publicly, address it immediately.

It is important your team knows you won't tolerate this behavior and that you are addressing it. Of course, if someone is so out of line publicly, you probably have another issue...

Give feedback from the heart
Wow - can I get more touchy feely? Maybe not.

The point is to have your employee's best interest foremost in your mind. You have to care about your employee. Show her you are concerned for her professional growth and relationships.

There is a saying that "feedback from the heart penetrates the heart." I believe this. Your employee will sense if you are jumping on them to make a problem go away or if you are sincerely trying to improve their character.

Make sure you aren't angry when you give feedback. Think through why you are giving feedback.

Is it to show someone you have authority? Is it to feel better because you felt wronged?

Or is to help someone who is struggling to get better?

Be direct
Early in my career, I found all kinds of reasons to delay getting to the point. That doesn't work. I've found it best to be direct, factual, and brief. That last point is important.

When you are nervous, you may tend to keep talking. That dilutes the message. Your job is to provide feedback, not debate. If your employee makes excuses, listen but redirect him. Let him know you understand his point but see things differently. In other words, don't buy into the drama.

Offer alternatives
Mature employees may ask you what you would recommend they do differently when confronting similar situations. Be prepared to offer alternatives. Help them role play alternatives so they can build new coping skills.

If you prepare in advance, you will have empathy with their situation. You will be forced to consider their position. I've often found myself softening my position when I realized my employee's actions were not malicious.

Giving feedback can be daunting. If you approach it with the intent to improve your employee, you'll be fine.

Don't avoid giving advice. It will get easier over time.

Why not?

Igor's post really got me thinking.

What are we really trying to achieve as leaders? Igor's notion of a "star team" is compelling. It is also rare in my experience. That isn't necessarily due to team talent, environment, or other factors. It ultimately comes down to me and my willingness to make space for the team to grow.

So here is an interesting "quiz" for you:

• Are you comfortable taking vacation and not staying connected to your team?
• If you couldn't present a topic to the E-staff, would you be comfortable with a team member presenting on your behalf?
• Do you let your managers have their own meetings without inviting you? And can you resist the urge to drop into their meetings to check in on things?
• Can you let your team execute a plan you don't agree with, knowing that they have the right goal in mind?

If not, why not? Take your time - think about this. Again, why not?

Now here is the kicker...

Now that you have an answer to "Why not?', ask yourself what you are doing to remove that barrier. The "Why not" is a barrier to your team member being successful. For example, imagine you said to yourself "Sally couldn't possibly brief the E-Staff. She gets too nervous in front of people." Sounds like Sally is doomed, right?

Wrong.

Her inability to brief the E-staff is as much your responsibility as it is hers. This is what I mean when I ask, "What are you doing to remove the barrier?" That is where people development comes in.

It's not about finding people's limitations. It's about removing them.